I’m listening to a podcast episode with Sharon Salzberg. Her guest is Valarie Kaur, author of Sage Warrior. (I’ll put the episode information below.) A friend already recommended the book to me last year and it is on my list, but I am drowning in books.
This podcast episode was recommended during an event a couple weeks ago organized by Loretta Ross (see my past blog post where I mentioned the event).
As I am listening, I’m trying to imagine and visualize myself enacting what she is describing. Can I love people who are causing harm? That is part of loving-kindness practice: learning to love difficult people. And not as a way to excuse them, but as a way to counter hatred. Hatred thrives amidst more hatred and intolerance. But hatred cannot take root in a ground that is only filled with love.
So if I were confronted by a person who was awful or a police officer who is coming at a group, could I turn around and say I love you? Or at least could I manage to say: You are loved. So it’s not putting myself out there and it’s also not getting into weird creepy territory of telling some random stranger I love them. But it’s gently calling them away from their aggression or hatred, and for a moment maybe grounding them in a place of love and compassion.
You are loved.
That statement doesn’t even have to mean that I love the individual. It is just a reminder that there is someone who loves them. And if there isn’t, then there should be.
If every human could know that they are loved, then there would be less hurt and harm in this world. I truly believe in that saying that “hurt people hurt others.” I believe that people who harm others have missed something in their lives. They are incomplete in some way and so they fill that emptiness with hatred or control or abuse. But none of those are sustaining or nurturing. None of those can fill an empty space inside people. And so these people who are missing some piece of their souls or spirits go on hurting and harming others. Until it becomes a habit and perhaps they don’t even remember what it is that they are missing, what gap they are seeking to fill in their lives. All they know is hatred and harm and control and power over others.
You are loved.
I’m not sure that we can love everyone back into a compassionate society. Maybe some people are out of reach. Or maybe not everyone is in my reach. I watched a talk by Loretta Ross a few years ago and she talked about circles of influence. Each of us can only impact people with whom we have at least a little bit in common. So there are always people who are out of our individual reach. However each of the people we impact has their own circle of influence, which is likely different and hopefully broader than yours. If we keep spreading love and compassion, I am trying to have faith that the ripple effects will radiate outwards. And maybe eventually the people who seem almost inhuman now can be reached by a small ripple of love and compassion.
Meanwhile we need to work to keep ourselves whole and nurtured. If we allow ourselves to also be consumed by hate, then we too will be subscribing to the culture of hate and harm. This is not to say that our rage is not justified. Our anger is very justified. And we need to listen to our anger at the injustice in our world and act. But I hope that when we act we can find a way to act from a place of love and compassion. Use our rage and anger to alert us to what needs our attention, but then pause and ground ourselves and then move forward to action from a place of intention and love and compassion.
You are loved.
All of this is the intention that I put into the world. I will most likely have moments of rage today and every day. And just like with meditation practice, I will work to keep coming back to the place of love and compassion.
Rage.
Return to love and compassion.
Information about the podcast:
Metta Hour with Sharon Salzberg: Ep. 283 – Engaged Compassion: Valarie Kaur
Podcast webpage: https://art19.com/shows/metta-hour-with-sharon-salzberg
The specific episode (link).
An associated song that popped into my mental jukebox:
“We Found Love”
By Rihanna. Written by: Calvin Harris
“We found love in a hopeless place”
(It’s an electronic dance song, so if you don’t like EDM, no need to listen! The lyric is all you need.)
By Rihanna
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